Ah-ha! You've caught me relaxing in my study with one of my favourite pipes. I do enjoy a brisk pipe to pass time between ciggies. Pipes are great for smoking, you can chuck in as much backy as you want - then just sit back, pop your slippers on, give the wife a wink and blast that fucker up.
Of course, I know what your thinking:
"Very good Roy, normal pipe bacco doesnt, usually, contain all the brutally harsh chemicals found in mass produced cigarettes, such as MARLBORO or, indeed, JOHN PLAYER SPECIAL - as such, the pipe can almost be considered of great benefit to one's health."
Yes, I realise this - but matters can be remedied, fairly, simply by following this procedure:
1) Take any full strength, brand-name cigarette such as MARLBORO or JPS in your hand.
2) Snap the filter off the end of the cigarette.*
3) Crumple the cigarette up, including paper. Don't forget the paper.
4) Pop crumpled cigarette into bowl of pipe.
5) Blast that fucker up.
* For more "poke" leave the filter on before crumpling cigarette.
Yes, indeed, mankind has enjoyed the sublime virtues of the pipe for a very long time now. Some anthropologists, historians and that claim that mankind has smoked, possibly, for fucking ages. Imagine that! Some geezer fucking ages ago blasting up a pipe! Fucking nectar.
To take one's pipe in one's hands is to transport a million years back in time. A primordial time of urges and pure will. To attract mates, cavemen types would hold their pipes aloft, scream in a gutteral roar to the sky before advancing on their chosen partners, pipes in hand. Nowadays, of course, this practice has evolved into a more civilised process - perhaps a nonchalent wink, a nod of the pipe towards the prospective mate and a relaxed opening gambit, such as "Easy now, how's 'bout it then?".
Remember - a man with a pipe is a man with an agenda.
Please feel free to leave any comments below.
Smoke on,
Roy.
........................coming soon: PIPE MYTHS (pipes part#2)
........................coming soon: PIPE MYTHS (pipes part#2)
